Behind the Lonely Life

"Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness." - Maya Angelou

Why does becoming more of yourself have the initial sting of loneliness?

Why do I resist change? Why do I constantly seek comfort, even though I know that the land of uncomfortable-ness is where I grow and find the person I truly am? These are the questions that have filled my heart these past few months, and "The Lonely Life is So Full: A Spoken Word & Dance Short" was the answer. It's an answer that I can sometimes appreciate, but other times, it's a struggle to even accept. 

The further you travel on the road to self-actualization, the narrower the road becomes, and the more lonely it may feel. When you start putting in the work to better yourself, you start doing things that most people won't do. When you strive to be the best you can be, to develop the most love of self, people start to fall off. Initially, it feels very lonely. Initially becomes intermittently, and then something beautiful happens. You slowly begin to fill the hole inside of yourself that you thought someone or something else could fill. You slowly become the adult your inner child needs. You begin to process the unfolding of each layer of yourself, loving each layer as it falls. You begin to remember who you are. I didn't realize it until now, but that's what "The Lonely Life is So Full" is about.

It's about how things start to change. The old world that you used to fit in so well starts to fall apart, right in front of your eyes, as your inner world falls apart just the same. Relationships fade away, dreams change, you change.

Recently, I found myself broken, not knowing what to do, where to go, or who I was. For once, I didn't know how to pick up the pieces.

This is the result. I am the result. Instead of coming up with my own solution, I am going to focus on the work, and see what the Universe has in store for me instead. I am convinced it's much better than what I can come up with.    

Did I cut my skin?
Scratch my back?
Made sense of the question all by myself.
Loneliness don’t hurt me.

These Fools out here with me, but we running
and running
and running... different races are for different folks.
Mine is the lonely one, and it don’t hurt.

I’m itching for God’s touch,
the Muse’s symphony to cripple my speech,
the stroke of genius,
and all the messes in between.

The Lonely Life is So Full.