"To not live purposefully, authentically, and heed the Calling is painful... and the only way we are able to survive with the pain is to numb it and distract ourselves." - Adam Siddiq
It sounds so cryptic, and yet most of us have felt it. It's a feeling where, even if just for a second, everything makes sense. A moment so crisp, so silent, so pure...
Then you remember where you are, then you go over in your head what it would take to get to where you want to be, and that frightens you. That crisp, silent, pure moment becomes loud, messy, and muddy in an instant. And we resist. We resist the Call.
Be that as it may, the Call has not stopped knocking on my door, and I am so grateful that it hasn't. No matter what I did to numb myself, distract myself, and try to make everything okay, I kept hearing its knock. Sometimes it was a "(BAM!)," other times it would be a gentle thump, but it was always there.
Resisting my Calling felt like swimming upstream. Internally, or intuitively, everything was telling to go one way, but past experience, self-doubt, and "so-called life" was telling me to go another. It is so interesting to think about; I was literally running away from something that I truly desire, a desire that now feels so much bigger than me.
I have resisted my Call out of fear or disillusionment many times.
As I try to recall how it felt to be in a state of resistance, I feel my body closing in, cocooning itself for protection. When I bring my mind, body, and spirit into a state of acceptance, my heart space opens, my body melts, and I shine. I feel open for the world to see, and I think that's the scary part that I have been running from for so long. This vulnerability by authenticity is there for anyone to judge, but I must love and trust in myself. I cannot let fear of what someone or something might do keep me from shining. It feels too good to shine, to love (you and myself), and to truly be present in my life than to have it any other way. This is the biggest lesson I have learned thus far on my journey.
Now that I have accepted the Call, my journey begins.
The funny part about all of this is that I still don't know where my Calling will lead me! Today, I am feeling called to create through song and dance. Tomorrow I may feel called to help someone else with their creation. Whatever it may be, I am trying to remain open to it, so that I continue to grow from it.
Till next time, Y'all!